i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
