this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize