would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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