I love black thongs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
