My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
