I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
