I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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