He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
