Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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