it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
