Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
