Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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