I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize