once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
