I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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