R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
