You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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