honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
