Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
