I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
