Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
