SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
