I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
