I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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