He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
