im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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