I smell stomach acid.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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