Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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