filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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