I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
