He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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