the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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