i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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