that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
