dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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