hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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