you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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