so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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