you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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