The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
