a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
