why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize