This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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