im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
