Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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