paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize