Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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