I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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