I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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