What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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