And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
