What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
