My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize