why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
