It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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