Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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