i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
