we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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