the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize