I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
