I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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