I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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