Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
