Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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