Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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