ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
