do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
