I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
