i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
