I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize