Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Houston, we have a squirter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
