People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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