She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
