This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
