Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You pole danced in your parka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
