apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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