the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
