I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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