I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
