you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
