well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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