I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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