Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
