So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
