He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
