if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
