You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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