Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize