here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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