Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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