I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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