I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Houston, we have a blender
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
