how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
