my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's the barista slut.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize