I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
