You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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