If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
