a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
