I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
